Marriage is probably not one of the top five things I want in life, although maybe it should be. At 20 years old I've never dated, partly because I've never really wanted to, and partly because the guys I was interested weren't interested in me, and incidentally I wasn't interested in the guys that were into me. I won't even go into how picky I am when it comes to guys - their looks (not so much their natural looks but how they present themselves), personalities, interests, way of speaking, intelligence, etc. - and how my quick judgments often lead me to stay away from guys who don't immediately match what I want. Lately every guy I've come into contact with doesn't meet my high expectations (no surprise there). This, along with the fact that I can't open up to people, is reason for my belief that I won't marry for a long, long time. Part of me is okay with that, part of me is saddened by that, and part of me is frightened by that. I was homeschooled my whole life so I wasn't around guys that much (or many people for that matter). I suppose maybe I could try interacting with the opposite sex more than I do now if I ever expect to find my soulmate. Or maybe my inexperience or awkwardness will aid my search...in some weird way. Ah, the dilemmas of life. Regardless, I've always felt it was important to have an idea in my head (and written down/filed away) of what the guy I want to marry would look like. Although my thoughts and my desires do change, here is my July 22, 2012 list:
1. His relationship with God must be searing out of his pores. He must be a worshipful creature and seek God's will daily.
2. He must make me feel amazing whenever I am around him. I'm an insecure being, and he must make me feel secure.
3. He must be self-motivated, intellectual, and disciplined.
4. He must make me laugh.
5. He must be daring and surprising (sometimes).
6. He must be his own self; creative, imaginative. The world is his palette.
7. Charm is nice, too.
8. I would prefer if he were good with people, although not extremely outgoing. I love being by myself and most times could care less about people (unfortunately). I think it would be good if he weren't as introverted as me, although two introverts together could be fun.....but no.
9. He must love food, but more specifically health food. I am a health food freak and dream about the perfect healthy food wedding. I couldn't live with someone who didn't enjoy wholesome foods or didn't care about his health.
10. I've always been attracted to cocky, confident guys, so while those features are a must, I don't want to marry Barrack Obama. He must be confident but also humble, caring, and most times kind.
10 things. That's all I can think of right now, and adding the fact that I'm half brain dead right now, 10 points isn't bad.
One more thing:
As a musician, I've heavily debated whether I want to marry a serious/professional musician or not. I think if I were to be completely happy, music would have be his life, too. It's all or nothing. But I've also considered the possibility of marrying a normal, non-music man - someone who didn't know the difference between Bach and Barber or a violin from a viola. Opposites do attract, and because I'm sooo not normal (there's really no other words to perfectly describe me), maybe I ought to marry a completely normal man. Or maybe not.
What are your thoughts on the inquiries of my brain?
