Making a Mark

Last week I had a 3 minute re-consideration of my choice of career. I came across pictures and postings of the work of a few of my friends and acquaintances who are/were serving people in Africa. In both cases these people used their career paths (economics, political science) to serve and better the people and conditions these people were living in. More than that they were offering their gifts, their years of hard work and study, to make a difference. I suddenly realized that I hungered for the same things they were doing with their lives. I looked into my life and thought for a moment and saw that I was living a selfish life. I strive and challenge myself with music everyday but this will never provide me with the resources or ideas of how to create wells in the poor villages of Africa or how to help re-construct the unfair cast system of some countries. I felt defeated; I wanted my efforts to make a difference in the world and I truly wanted to help and serve people. I mean, I couldn't look at the pictures of their faces and not care. So I was saddened for a bit and wondered if I truly wanted to commit my life to music, although I figured it was too late.

But then I realized something. Today I realized that my God-given gift CAN BE and HAS BEEN used as a gift to others. If I ever visited Africa to do mission or humanitarian work I can bring joy and happiness into others' lives through music. When I went to Romania I did this. When I go perform at nursing homes and assisted living centers I do this. Another thought came to me: while there (wherever I go) I can work on humanitarian needs as well. I can do both - bring pleasure but also bring necessities. Providing those necessities are not what I've dedicated my life to be and strive for but I have an able body and a servants heart. In addition, I've been told several times from musicians that if you feel called to be a musician or its your passion and you're willing to work hard, then you should go for it and try while you're young. If you want to go back to school for something else (business for example) then you can do so in your later life ... forties or fifties. That also was a thought of comfort.

Mimi Zweig Masterclass

Earlier this month I attended a masterclass with the famous string pedagog Mimi Zweig. If you don't know who she is, shame on you; go look her up.

The masterclass was held at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL, just a 20 minutes drive from where I go to school. Almost all the members of my university orchestra attended at least some of the masterclass. Only two students (myself included) and my orchestra director - who was enthralled and engulfed in the whole masterclass - stayed until the end.

The younger violinists went first, and I believe the first girl to perform was 4 years-old. These pre-school kids were incredible; they had their pieces memorized, they had outstanding technique for their ages, and their intonation was impeccable. Mimi was so kind and gracious with them, and usually only proposed one or two changes for them. Before her propositions she of course complemented them enthusiastically and opened her thoughts to the audience and explained to them how impressed she was with the child's playing.

Things to take from her interactions with the young children:

She sat on a low stool and talked to them in order to make eye contact and not "lord' over them.

She was sweet, but still quite direct; she had goals she wanted them to accomplish and wasn't satisfied until they accomplished what she wanted them to. Surprisingly, they all could fulfill her demands in a short amount of time under pressure.

She only had one or two goals for each young student.

Inspiration

It's true for me that I don't truly love something until other people love it first. In the last two weeks I have made friends who inspire and push me to be a more dedicated musician, and in the last two weeks I have felt that my love for music (specifically classical) has grown more than it ever has in such a short amount of time. Music is all I want to do; practice it; listen to it. And I find myself only wanting to be around people how love it as much as I do. My passion has been re-lit, and I couldn't be happier.

Btw, I saw famous classical guitarist Alvaro Pierri in recital today at Northwestern University. He was unbelievable. His expression, efficiency, and musicality were magnetic. It has only been about 24 hours  since I've been immersed with classical guitar music, so I'm still getting used to it, but his guy was tempting and seductive with his music. It was inspiring and education for me, a violinist, and even more so for my guitar friend from school (he was beaming for the whole recital). Needless to say, my friend and I both spent many hours in the practice rooms afterwards.

Untitled

Here I am in Chicago. I've finally made it. I've been dreaming of living in a big city my whole life, and now here I am. Granted, I'm not like, in the downtown area or anything, but I am here.

I'm studying to become a violinist. If only it weren't so complicated. I feel like music has given me this discontentment with life, I feel like its the reason for my depression. Yet I feel like it gives me wonderful opportunities, and my true calling in life. I guess whatever one is called to in life will bring trials and tribulations. I know I couldn't be doing this [music] if I didn't have God guiding me and drawing me closer to Him.

What I'm feeling isn't coming out well. I don't know what to write, yet I write.

Say it How it Really Is

It's always encouraging to talk with highly esteemed professionals in your field of choice. Today I had a meeting with my new academic advisor at my new University, North Park University. Walking in, I didn't know quite what to expect. The meeting turned out to last almost an hour long, and only a few minutes were dedicated towards looking at my academics. The first half hour was spent discussing the plans I had for my future - grad school, etc. He told me that the teacher is the most important reason to go to a particular grad school, or no grad school at all (independent lessons). He said that if I were his daughter, he'd send me to a guy in New York. Apparently he is well known for connecting music to the inward person, not just teaching someone how to play their instrument well. A few other pedagogues he mentioned: Mimi Zweig and a lady at Rice University in Houston. He talked about the alarming circumstances of today's orchestras and the growing growing gap between the repertoire and the audience. He said he would do anything to save the repertoire. He told me that if I stay in Chicago for grad school, I should talk to my current teacher (Robert Hanford) about joining the Civic Orchestra. I'd heard of it before. He said if you get in you get to attend grad school free of charge. He said the atmosphere there (as well as the atmosphere of the CSO, he seemed to joust at) was awful; fowl language and negativity swarm. He said its the sacrifice you must decide you want to make, however. He seemed to think I might have a change at that. That was encouraging. He gave me so much other good advice. He also said that reputation is important. My stand partner, as of now, does not have a good one (he missed a rehearsal already and arrived late yesterday). People talk. He said Claudio (chamber music coach) is a good connection. He told me to stay close with her. He talked about everything I needed to hear, but everything I kind of already knew: the orchestras are diminishing, the culture is disconnecting from the classics, connections/reputation are important, teachers are important. He said the teaching they do at Northwestern is a strong Dorthy Delay approach. He said that has worked fine all these years, but there needs to be something new added to that. A performer, in his opinion, should learn all aspects of music, and really how to HEAR and LISTEN to it. He said a lot of teachers/orchestra/people don't actually care about the performer, only how they play. He said this is wrong. Disciple and hard work are necessary, yes. But not this negativity that make people miserable, depressed. I couldn't have agreed more. He told me to find the place where I can be really honest, despite how intimidating this might be. I don't remember how this connected with our musical conversation ... He can't stand commercial music. He tried it in Germany - with musicals. He said it pays well, but it makes him want to vomit. But bills must be paid, he said, and that is what some people have to revert to. He commented that if people are performing this type of music, though, they should know their doing dirty work, and should not act innocent about it.